A new year, a new attitude

Well, here's to an end to 2009 and a bright outlook for 2010! I've always liked even numbers better anyway.

I don't quite know why, but I feel like this year is going to be a better year for me. I feel optimistic about the odds of getting pregnant. I truly think the thyroid medication is helping me and so I'm hopeful that an out of whack thyroid was the cause of my irregular cycles. My husband has been so supportive lately and such a trooper in really putting forth effort to try to get pregnant. I know it can't be easy to make love to your wife for a specific purpose other than fun. I love him for sticking with me.

We go back to the doctor on the 20th. I'm hoping that at that time we'll either be pregnant or get confirmation that the thyroid was the problem and now it is just timing.

I struggled with the "Why not me?" question all last year, as you can probably tell from my older posts. But, this year, after a lot of praying the last few weeks and the beginning of this new year, I have a sense of calm and a re-assurance that God hasn't forgotten about us. I think our time is coming and I just have to trust that God will continue to help me remember that He has a plan.
(But don't be surprised if my attitude goes south from time to time if things don't start clicking. lol)

So, here's to a FANTASTIC 2010 for everyone! Keep the faith and always remember that even if we don't know it, God always has a plan. Just try your best to trust Him, no matter how hard it gets to do it.

Trying to Enjoy Christmas

I woke up this morning with a brief feeling that yesterday may have just been a bad dream. Unfortunately, it wasn't. I cried this morning for a while after my husband left for work. Then I pulled myself together and got ready to go to work myself.

I know I said this yesterday, but all I want is an explanation for why God chooses to do what he does. I can only hope that there is a reason He is waiting to bless us with a child. Maybe my child is meant to do something awesome at a certain age in a certain year. I cannot understand blessing someone who doesn't want a child with one, but I guess I just have to believe there is a reason.

Life just sucks sometimes, you know? I know it is the Christmas season, but I just haven't been in the mood to celebrate Christmas. I would trade every present I get this season for a baby. I would love nothing more than to have children to celebrate Christmas with and see the joy in their faces. Christmas just isn't that special for me this year, no matter how hard I try to make it be special. My husband doesn't want any gifts this year because all he wants to do is go to the Sugar Bowl. So, the excitement of shopping for the perfect present to say "I love you" to him is gone. My in-laws never want anything and I'm about to take them at their word one of these days and truly not buy them any presents. My parents are harder than heck to buy for, too.

The most joy I have gotten out of Christmas this year was shopping for a family we adopted through our church. They had three kids and I had a blast. But, you don't get to see the joy when they open their presents, and we already had to drop the gifts off at church, so that fun is over.

I'm going to be without my husband on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, too. I already feel lonely and I truly will be lonely those two days. He's going to the Sugar Bowl with his buddies. I'm happy for him and I want him to go, but it's going to be a lonely holiday for me this year.

Everything is just slightly off this year and so I don't have any Christmas spirit. I keep praying for my Christmas miracle. Maybe someday it will come true.